Avoiding Gossip

"Let us be radiating truth. Let us be radiating the light of life.
Never shall we denounce anyone. Never entertain negativity." ~ Rig Veda

More often than not we think of sadhana (spiritual practice) as things we do outside of our normal day-to-day activity to awaken to our Divine Self. When asked to describe our daily sadana, most of us will refer to our meditation, chanting, pranic breathing, brain illumination, etc. Without question, these are important disciplines, but what about the other 22 or 23 hours of our day? Is it enough simply to meditate and then think and act without awareness the rest of the time? Sai Maa's answer is a clear "no."

The truth is that we make hundreds of choices every day, consciously or unconsciously, that influence our spiritual growth. These choices involve how we think, how we feel, how we speak, and how we act. Do we continue to make these choices based on unconscious habit? Or do we choose bring full awareness and consciousness to how we live each day?

Take, for example, gossiping. Our beloved Sai Maa has told us over and over again that we must not gossip. Few behaviors are more damaging to our spiritual wellbeing. And yet so many of us habitually indulge in this harmful practice. Perhaps if we fully understood why we gossip and why it is so harmful, and what we can do to change, we would more earnestly embrace Sai Maa's guidance. Nurturing this understanding is the purpose of this teaching.

What we will cover

• a clear definition of gossip
• why we gossip
• understanding how gossip affects those we speak about
• understanding how gossip affects us
• seeing gossip in its hidden forms
• creating a new, healthier habit

A simple definition

For our purposes, gossip can be defined simply as "rumor or report of an intimate, personal, or sensational nature," invariably about someone other than those present. It can be about something "positive" like, "did you hear who just got a pay raise?" Or it can be about something "negative" like,  "Did you hear who's getting a divorce?" And while the latter is gossip in it's most destructive form, both are gossip.

Why we gossip

People gossip for several reasons:

First, it creates a sense of intimacy among those who engage in gossip. It is the nature of our relationships that the more information we share with one another, the more intimate the relationship feels. Gossip then becomes a vehicle for creating this sense of intimacy.

Second, gossip helps us to define our place on the human social hierarchy. "She has more money;" "he has less money." "He's getting a divorce;" "she's getting married." Etc., etc., etc. In other words, gossiping allows us to define our ego-selves by comparing ourselves to others.

And thirdly, and perhaps most fundamentally, we gossip for the stimulation it provides the mind. When asked why people gossip, the famous teacher Krishnamurti explained that gossip is an effort to provide stimulation for an unfulfilled and unsettled mind. The more sensational the content of our gossip, the more stimulated we feel.

Of course the problem is that all these effects are illusory, just as is the ego itself. Enlightenment is about becoming identified more and more with our Divine Self and less and less with human creation, including the ego. In every respect, gossip serves the opposite.

How gossip affect those we speak about

It is a well understood principle among all spiritual aspirants that consciousness is the basis of what we call outer or objective reality. We hear this teaching echoed in statements like, "the world is as we are," or "believing is seeing." Practically speaking, this means that our attention feeds that on which we focus.

This is why Sai Maa warns us to be very aware of what we say, particularly "I am" statements like "I am attached to my ..." or "I am angry..." or "I am sick ..." Our attention and focus create our reality.

In this light, gossip serves to reinforce and nurture the reality on which we focus. And since the content of our gossip is most often negative, this means we are nurturing this negativity through the power of our increasingly powerful consciousness. In other words, gossiping helps lock others into the negative behavior or situation that is the focus of our gossip. It is a "story" that our gossip helps nurture and perpetuate.

Does this mean that it's okay to gossip about positive things, since our gossiping will reinforce these? Be careful. Often the "positive" things we gossip about have an edge of jealousy or judgment about them that is harmful both to ourselves and others.

How gossip affects us

A light bulb may illumine a room, but there is no place where the light is more concentrated than in the bulb itself. The same is true for the influence of our thinking and speech. It certainly does influence the world around us, but its biggest influence is on ourselves. This includes gossip.

Perhaps most important, gossip nurtures our own ego identification. The mind's experience is "I am" so and so's intimate friend." Or "I am superior (or inferior) to so and so." Or "I am afraid I will get a divorce."  In other words, gossip cements our human identity rather than elevating our attention to our Divinity. And in this context, it doesn't matter what we're gossiping about.

The Talmud says that gossiping defiles our inner being, our heart and mind, and manifests itself as a veil of unclean and unhealthy "skin," eventually erupting into disease. Again, the wisdom here is that our consciousness is the basis of our physical reality. To the extent we nurture inner purity and positivity, these qualities will manifest in the physical body and outer world. Of course the opposite is true as well.

Gossip in all its hidden forms

If we're at all aware, as all of us who have received Sai Maa's shakti most certainly are, we can see when we're speaking about others in this way. But, from a spiritual perspective, gossiping also comes in many less obvious, more passive forms. These include listening to others who gossip, reading gossip, watching gossip - television programming is filled with it  -and even gossiping in our own minds. In short, we are gossiping whenever we in any way put our attention on "rumor or report of an intimate, personal, or sensational nature."

Creating a new, healthier habit

How do we drop a lifetime old, or more accurately, lifetimes old habit of gossiping? Here are some suggestions, not necessary to be followed in sequencial order.

• Be clear on why gossiping is harmful to yourself and others.
  
  
• Be aware of why we gossip. As Krishnamurti says, gossiping is the habit of an unsettled and unfulfilled mind seeking identity and stimulation.
  
  
• Don't buy into rationalizations like "Gossiping is human;" "everybody does it," "We're only talking about this because we're concerned."
  
  
• Have the clear and resolute intention to drop this habit.
  
  
• Be compassionate toward yourself if you realize you've been gossiping. Judgment is just another means of ego-perpetuation.
  
  
• When you find yourself gossiping, simply shift your attention to things that are Divine. Thinking about Sai Maa, consciously connecting to your Divine Self, or chanting the names of God are a few ways you can do this. You may also choose to affirm the Divine in those you've been speaking about
  
  
• In our hearts or via letter, we can ask Sai Maa for her assistance and support in helpingus drop this habit. Sai Maa is always here to serve us in our ascension to Divine perfection.

A special note about how to deal with friends and family who gossip

If you have friends or family members who frequently gossip around you, particularly about "negative" things, there are a few things you can do. First, without judgment and as lovingly as possible, you can tell them that you are choosing not to gossip. You can explain why you are making this choice and humbly ask them for their support. Again, don't be judgmental. Remember why people gossip and be compassionate. Don't try to change anyone. Just speak in terms of yourself and the choice you are making, and love them fully just as they are.

Alternatively - and in many cases, this may be the better approach - simply and gently redirect the conversation, without mentioning your choice at all.

If neither of these approaches work, you may simply have to make a choice about how much time you spend with these beings. You do not owe it to anyone, even long-time friends or family members, to constantly indulge them in their choice to gossip. But please remember that whatever you do, always act with love, compassion, and the intention of serving the highest in all.

Our daily meditation, pranic breathing, brain illumination, etc. will naturally loosen our attachment and dependence on human creation in all its forms. With the addition of our conscious intention to drop habits like gossiping which do not serve us, and with the ever present Grace of our Sai Maa, our Ascension is certain to come very quickly.

Om Jai Jai Maa.